Yearning

I know I mostly use this blog to post about events that have happened with the ministry - or outreaches we've done - or people that we've come into contact with that have a special need.  But this time, I hope it's ok that I'm using it for something a little more personal. 

I think that everyone that takes the time to read my posts probably cares about me in some way, so I'm hoping that this little bit of sharing will be okay :)

I have this yearning in my spirit that is sometimes unbearable....sometimes I feel so excited that I want to cry and dance and scream....and then other times this same yearning causes me to feel depressed, unwhole and sometimes angry.
All in all it's so confusing to me.

I'm scared that what I'm feeling is real and God-inspired, but then I'm also scared that what I'm feeling is a self-created desire. 

So seeking God's will for my life is my ultimate desire here.  I know He wants to use me and I know He already does.  He wants to use all of us actually!!  Not one of us was called into fellowship with Him just to sit back and live a leisurely life.  Jesus called disciples and followers of Him....seekers of Him and His will....finders of Truth and Life.

Matthew 7:7-8 - “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."

But what does God want me to lay aside and be willing to give up for Him?  What is the bigger picture of what He has planned for me and my family?  What is His true and perfect will for me/us?

That's what I'm seeking - and that's what I hope you'll pray for me about.

Like I said earlier - I have a yearning.  I've had a yearning for a while now, but obstacles and "reality" have made any idea of action impossible.  I feel like the Lord has done some serious renewing in me over the last year, and I also feel like He can remove any obstacle and make action possible with some simple steps of faith.

I just want to be available, to be open to seeing, to be willing to get rid of ALL that hinders me, even if it makes me look crazy or unpopular.  As David so clearly put it in 1 Chronicles 16, I want to:

⁸ Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name;
    make known among the nations what he has done.
⁹ Sing to him, sing praise to him;
    tell of all his wonderful acts.
¹⁰ Glory in his holy name;
    let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
¹¹ Look to the Lord and his strength;
    seek his face always.

Thank you for "listening"....for praying....for coming alongside me with hope and encouragement.

Loving Radically Through Christ,

Melissa